Hey Reader,

I have a confession to make... I'm an 'intentionally' optimistic person.

What I mean by this is that one of my core beliefs now is that life is always helping you and that anything that happens in your life (good or bad) is always preparing you for the next chapter of your life.

But this belief that everything has a greater, better purpose than what you originally see was not something that I was born with.

I worked hard to wire that belief into my system.

That's why I say I'm "intentionally" optimistic. It isn't something that simply comes naturally to me; I have to be intentional about it.

To be honest, I naturally fall into these mental traps of overthinking everything, thinking that I'm behind everyone else (in the world!), and beating myself up for everything I haven't done or haven't accomplished yet.

Just so you have an idea of the mental traps I constantly deal with, I will share this tidbit about me: I'm one of those persons who gets sad on their birthday (not matter how much I try not to) because I always think about everything I didn't get to do that year or how another year has passed by and I feel like I'm not where I'm 'supposed' to be or where I would like to be. (I know... even I think it's crazy!).

But here is the truth: it may not be exactly the same for you. You may not get sad and depressed on your birthday, but I bet you still struggle with some kind of mental traps that block you, that make you doubt yourself, your dreams, and your capability for change.

Now I know that while yes, we all struggle with different kinds of mental traps, we can still be intentional about setting and wiring in our systems with different beliefs that empower us and override our natural instincts.

That's why I wanted to remind you that you don't need to be a person who is naturally positive, open, or optimistic to still practice being (and becoming) these things in your life.

How to do this:

Lead with curiosity. Find the new belief systems you want to dive into, learn more about, and identify with, and start making them a part of your life.

If for example, you want to start believing that you are capable of change, place visual reminders around you (in your bedside table, in your kitchen, at your desk, as your phone or computer's wallpaper) that state and reitere this belief; listen to audiobooks, podcasts, or even songs that talk about how anyone has the power to change; write it down and journal about the ways in which this belief is already true in different areas of your life, and say it outloud (to yourself and others) in a consistent manner. The point is to engage all of your senses in a repetitive manner in the process of creating these new beliefs.

Master these four principles and transform your life

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

This past week, I was doing a morning meditation that focused on the four agreements and how small changes and shifts in our lives can create big ripple effects in the outcomes we get.

The Four Agreements are a set of simple, yet powerful, principles based on Toltec wisdom, designed to help individuals transform their lives towards greater freedom and happiness and provide a powerful guide to break free of self-limiting beliefs.

The four agreements are: ”Be Impeccable With Your Word,” “Don’t Take Anything Personally,” “Don’t Make Assumptions,” and “Always Do Your Best”.

Be Impeccable With Your Word: Your words create your reality. This principle emphasizes speaking with honesty and integrity and using your words constructively to build others up and to avoid gossip, criticism, or negativity.

Put it into practice: Say only what you mean, and avoid using your words to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your words to offer love and encouragement, not to cause pain or fear in someone else (or yourself, for that matter).

Don’t Take Anything Personally: This principle encourages you to understand that what others say or do is a reflection of their own beliefs, not your own worth. Let go of the unnecessary suffering of thinking people do things because of you.

Put it into practice: Most (if not everything) of what other people do has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with their own perception, beliefs, dreams, and internal world. We all have our own opinions of how things should be. When you start becoming immune to the fact that other people’s opinions and actions have nothing to do with you, you can stop acting like a victim of what everyone else says or does.

Don’t Make Assumptions: This principle promotes open communication as a way to seek clarity and understanding, rather than jumping to conclusions.

Put it into practice: Have the courage to ask questions and lead with curiosity instead of judgment. This principle also refers to communicating and expressing what you want as clearly as possible, as a way to avoid misunderstandings, drama, and unnecessary sadness. Be open and understanding of others’ points of view.

Always Do Your Best: This principle encourages you to give your best effort in all situations, regardless of the outcome, knowing that your best will vary from day to day.

Put it into practice: Your “best” is going to change from moment to moment and from season to season. It’s constantly evolving because you are constantly evolving. It will be different when you are healthy as opposed to when you are sick, overwhelmed, or struggling in any area of your life. This principle simply refers to doing your best under any circumstance. At some points, your best will be 40%, at others it will be 25%, be at peace by simply giving it your all without worrying so much about the outcome. This will help you avoid self-judgment and criticism, overextending yourself, regretting things in the future, and comparing yourself with others.

On Criticism and Fear

“The Man in the Arena”.

In April of 1910, former US President Theodore Roosevelt delivered the speech called Citizenship in a Republic in Paris. “The Man in the Arena” is one of his speeches' most popular and notable passages.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.

The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

- “The Man in the Arena”.

This often reminds me that it’s easy to sit down, point, and criticize what other people are doing when you, yourself, are not doing anything. It’s harder to criticize others when you are getting dirty in the arena of your field as well.

It always makes me think of how nowadays, with the increasing use of technology and social media, people leave very nasty and judgmental comments on other people’s pages and accounts without any regard to what that person may be dealing with or how much effort they may have been putting into their work.

This is a small reminder that anyone who is criticizing you (without any kind of helpful feedback) is probably not doing the work themselves and is just sitting on the sidelines watching. Becuase the people who are ahead of you, who have done the work and put themselves out there, aren't the ones criticizing others because they know how hard it is.

It's easier to say how people could have done things better or how others could have been better. It's less easy to actually do it.

So, this passage has two main takeaways:

Whenever you are being a critic, ask yourself: Am I coming from a place of wanting to help and offer value, or am I coming from a place of unhelpful judgment and criticism? Don't be the man who points out how others stumble, but that doesn't help them get up.
Whenever you are being the man in the arena, recognize that there is no effort without error, that you will make mistakes, that you will fail, but that by daring greatly, you are also putting yourself in a better place to know the triumph of great achievement. Because everything you want and everything you deeply value in life is on the other side of hard work and effort.

Don’t be a hater

"Build a life around what you love."

Make it a point to not be a hater, in your life, in your mind, with others, online, and in person.

Oftentimes, people spend their lives thinking and talking about what they hate. They constantly ruminate and complain about all the things that are wrong with the world, all the things they dislike, and the people and things that make their lives difficult.

Stop making your life about the things you don't like or that you hate. Stop constantly talking, thinking, and writing only about the things you are against (the bad weather, the horrible political party, the unfair boss, the narcissistic ex, the meddlesome mother-in-law, the food that you hate, the subjects that make me angry,...)

Make your life (and who you are) be about the things that you love instead.

“Focus on the things you are for, not the things you are against.

Many people spend large chunks of their day thinking about what they hate. They are always telling you about something they dislike: this food, that subject, this political party, that coworker.

You are more than your frustrations. Build your identity around what you love.” - James Clear.

Emotional Regulation

Create space

This past week, I noticed a small, silly discussion between a girl and her dad, and became deeply aware of how easy it is to lose our cool when we don't pause for a moment between something that triggers us (the stimulus) and how we react (our reaction).

Reacting automatically to things isn't the same as choosing our response to things. By creating space between the things that bother you and how you respond to them, you allow yourself the opportunity to choose how you want to move forward in a way that you won't regret later and that will better empower you to take action in a way that is aligned with how you want to show up.

The best way to create this space is literally to pause, to take a deep breath, and to center yourself in the present moment. To do this, use your senses and notice how it feels to touch your feet to the ground or to your shoes, notice how your clothes feel against your body, notice the colors or shapes around you, or notice the sounds and smells in your environment.

By creating this conscious space between a trigger and your reaction, you allow yourself to choose your response, considering not only your emotions but also your thoughts and any potential consequences before acting.

Before you grab the snack or the drink, pause and take a moment to consider, "Is this really what I want right now? Am I reacting to an uncomfortable emotion?"
Before you send an angry text or email, pause and take a moment to consider, "What do I want from this email/text? Will this get my point across clearly?"
Before you scream and curse at someone who annoyed you, pause and take a moment to consider, "Is there another, less impulsive, way to communicate what I want?"
Before you slam the door and end the relationship, pause and take a moment to consider, "Can I give it an hour, a day, time to think if this is really what I want or just the emotion of the moment?

"Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." - Viktor Frankl.

You always have the power to create space to choose your responses. And in there, that's where you grow.

Three Quotes For This Week

On Procrastination, Fear, and Consistency

"If you want to make an easy job seem mighty hard, just keep putting off doing it." - Olin Miller.

A lot of the time, we make our lives much more difficult than they need to be by procrastinating and putting off easy tasks.

When you procrastinate on paying the credit card bill, or calling your parents, or opening the mail, or answering the email, or updating your resume, or renewing your personal documents, or organizing the fridge's drawer, you set yourself up to spend a lot of mental energy thinking about needing to do it, but not actually doing it.

Reduce the space between thinking about doing something and actually doing it, especially for tasks that can take less than 10 minutes.

And whenever you feel a lot of resistance doing something that is simple and quick to do, get really honest about what you are really avoiding and push yourself to take the first step and to start (even if it's only for 1 minute), because often you will keep going and complete.

“Life shrinks or expands according to one's courage.” - Anaïs Nin.

The things that scare you, that feel too big for you, are showing you the way to the things that will make you grow and that will expand your life and how you feel in it.

Embrace fear as a signal that things excite you and that they matter to you.

And step forward into courage.

"That which we persist in doing becomes easier to do, not that the nature of the thing has changed, but that our power to do has increased." - Ralph Waldo Emerson.

When you consistently do new, hard, or uncomfortable things, they don't simply get easier; you get better at dealing with the discomfort, and you get stronger.

By consistently challenging yourself, you grow, you change, and you become new versions of yourself.

And somewhere along the way, you start being at peace with the struggle that comes from doing new, uncomfortable things, and you simply become more resilient to constantly changing and growing.

When you do hard, challenging things consistently, doing hard, uncomfortable things becomes a part of your identity.

A Question to Change Your Life

What makes you proud?

Whenever you are stuck and feel lost about what the next thing you can do is, ask yourself this question:

If I were to time travel to the future and be 90 years old, what would I tell my younger self to try, to take a chance on, and to take action? What decision would I be proud of?

The answers you are looking for are already within you because nobody knows you as well as you. Sometimes, all that we need is to change the perspective from which we are looking at things.

And Reader, in case you ever forget it, you are loved, you are worthy, and you are capable of creating a life you love. Always. It's time to go out there and DO. SOMETHING. ABOUT. IT.

Jenny 😉

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Thank you for reading and sharing,
Jenny