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Hey Reader,

What if it’s not “good” or “bad”?

What if things didn’t always have to be white or black?

What if most things that happen in your life are simply that, events, circumstances, experiences that happen, and how we treat them, how we approach them, how we perceive them is what makes them “positive”, “negative”, or even “insignificant” in our lives?

This is just a simple reminder that how we choose to see the things that happen in our lives has more power in how we experience them than any other factor in our lives.

A shift in how you see things is a miracle.

35 Life Lessons in 35 Years

What I have learned (& what I'm still learning so far)

The past week was my 35th birthday (high-five to all the Libra babies over there!).

I have never really enjoyed celebrating my birthday, as I always get this weird, nostalgic, and sad feeling around my birthday. This year, however, while surrounded by my family, eating pizza, and singing 'Happy Birthday,' I realized how truly excited I was about the year ahead.

I used to be one of those people who, every year on her birthday, would always think about all the things she didn't get to do or complete in the past year.

This year, though, I was thinking about all the things I am excited about experiencing in the coming year.

This small shift in my perspective from what I hadn't done to what I was looking forward to doing made me notice that we really shape how we experience anything in our lives.

That's why I decided to do a list of 35 life lessons that have stuck with me and that, I believe, have helped me grow in the past 35 years of life.

1. Normalize changing your mind. It's okay (and dare I say even great!) to change your opinion about things. It's okay to be wrong about things, it's okay to fail at things, and it's okay to evolve your likes, your interests, your opinions, your goals, your dreams, your habits, and your daily routines. It's okay that what you wanted 1 year, 5 years, 10 years ago isn't the same thing as what you want right now. It doesn't mean that you're disappearing or losing yourself; it simply means that you're growing, that you're opening your mind, and that you're allowing yourself to try and experience diverse points of view and ways to see life. Embrace that.
2. Train your body; train your mind. I believe one of the best and most powerful ways to change your mindset and your perspective is by changing your state of being. To do that, you need to change your physiology. By changing the way you move your body, changing your posture, opening your chest, relaxing your shoulders, breathing more deeply, and engaging your body in different ways, you allow your mind to approach things from a different place and see things from a different point of view.
3. Doing the things 'you need to do' when you don't feel particularly good, or happy, or motivated, or "in the mood", is one of the most powerful skills you can cultivate and develop in life. Start by reminding yourself often that you don't need to be in the mood to do anything, and even so, you can still do it. Then, start proving yourself right.
4. You don't 'have to' do anything. Instead, you 'have the opportunity' to do that thing. You 'get to' do that thing. You 'choose to' do that thing. Language matters, and how you speak to yourself (especially about yourself) matters. Start using it in a way that builds you up instead of tears you down. You get to work out and take care of your body. You have the opportunity to go to work. You choose to get certified. You get to put yourself out there and share your voice. You have the opportunity to eat healthy. You get to...
5. The more you trust that things are always working out for you, even when you cannot see how yet, the more you allow yourself for that to become true, because you make the things that happen in your life work for you, instead of against you. It doesn't really matter if it's true. It matters that you believe it's true.
6. Focus on the things that you can control. There are a lot of things we cannot control, what other people think and do, the economy, the weather, traffic, natural disasters, how other people will react to what you do, and even the outcomes you will get. But you can always control what you say next, what you do next, and what you focus on next. Narrow your focus to the things that are actually within your control.
7. Let go of the uncontrollables. Radically accept that there will always be things that are outside of your control, that aren't in your power to change, and that are outside of your sphere of influence. Let the fact that some things are not your responsibility give you peace of mind, too.
8. Don't believe all the stories your mind tells you. Many of the stories and narratives are all in your head and not really true. All those stories about why you can't do something, accomplish something, or even be something. All those narratives that tell you that you're not ready, that people will judge you, hate you, or make fun of you... You know the stories I'm talking about here, the ones that are constantly about doubting yourself; make it a point to question the veracity of the stories your mind is telling you frequently.
9. All extraordinary things are done by ordinary people who first believed they could do it. I used to think that extraordinary things were only done by extraordinary people who, in some way or another, were born different. It's not true. If you're willing to put in the work to make something happen, you can create extraordinary things in your life. Anyone is capable of making themselves capable of extraordinary things.
10. The finish line always keeps moving. If you think you will be happier or more content only 'when' you accomplish something... When you make more money, when you lose the weight, when you have the house, when you take the vacation, when you get into the relationship, when you have the kids, when you have more time, when something changes, you will spend your life looking for happiness outside of you. And the finish line, the goalpost you set, will always keep moving. Instead, ask yourself, "What are the things, the people, the places, the habits, that give me joy right now? How can I infuse my life with these things now? How can I make my life fuller with what gives me joy in this moment (as opposed to when a perfect future happens)?"
11. We often think about what success looks like. We think about the big house, the high-paying job, the last model car, the designer clothes, the perfect-looking relationship... What if you started considering, instead, "How does success feel like?" Does it feel like enjoying a warm cup of coffee with your loved ones without rushing? Does it feel like waking up with energy and enthusiasm for the day ahead, like your days are filled with purpose and meaning, like having fun and laughing along with your friends, like peace of mind when you go to bed at night? It may be different to you, but instead of focusing on creating a life that looks successful, why not focus on creating a life that feels successful to you?
12. Everyone is going through things we know nothing about. Be kind as much as possible, considering it's always possible to offer a kind word or a kind gesture.
13. “I want to be kind, not nice”. This one is still something I'm working on, but one of the first times I met my boyfriend, I actually told him this. I don’t think he completely understood what I meant back then. But I think the difference between being nice vs being kind is actually pretty simple, but not always as easy to do. Being kind is about treating other people respectfully and thoughtfully while still being able to be honest, clear, and authentic to yourself (even if that means that not everyone will like you). Alternatively, I think being nice is about striving to please people and be 'agreeable', by saying or doing things you may not completely mean, so other people will like you, or not to get into arguments with others. Being kind, I believe, comes from a place of valuing other people without devaluing yourself.
14. Compassion and patience are signs of love. You notice this especially when you're dealing with kids and pets, and how much patience and compassion they require to thrive. Start showing yourself the same patience and compassion you show the people you love. You also need it in order to thrive.
15. Most things don't need a reaction. Some people will bother you or annoy you. Some situations will test you. Some events will upset you. You can still always choose what deserves a reaction or not, what deserves more of your energy and attention, or what you can simply release and let go of to make room and focus on the things you want to prioritize in your life instead.
16. "Drop the unnecessary fight". Most things you worry about, complain about, stress about, and fight about will never become a reality or are not worth your time. Notice how minuscule most of your worries really are when you make it a point to zoom out and consider what really matters in your life. Don't fight for causes and matters you don't truly care about.
17. It's okay not to be for everyone. Not everyone will agree with you, not everyone will understand you, and not everyone will like you. Learn not to take it personally. Being different from others is often seen as a bad thing, but it's actually your superpower. Embrace not being everyone's cup of tea.
18. Most things aren't personal. Most of what other people do has nothing to do with you and more to do with themselves and their own internal world than you would ever know. What other people judge, criticize, and get bothered by reveals the things they struggle with themselves more than with you. Inversely, what you judge, criticize, and get affected by reveals the things you may need to face and work on. We are all mirrors; what bothers us about others is showing us the things that bother us about ourselves, too. That kind of awareness is a gift.
19. Feeling behind just means there are still many things you want to do and try. That’s not a bad thing. That means you are still full of curiosity, desire, and enthusiasm for more. See this from a place of abundance instead of lack, and instead of "feeling behind", start to notice you're simply just "getting started".
20. Go at your pace. I learned this after running a few half-marathons in the past couple of years, but I think it can be applied to every area of your life. When you want to go the distance, when you want to be consistent and do things long-term, the best way to do it is to go at your own pace. Sometimes you will want to rush to catch up to others, you will compare your speed to that of the people around you, you will question if you’re going too slow, and you will doubt yourself. Take a deep breath and go at a pace that pushes you and challenges you, but that still allows you to enjoy the journey.
21. Then, enjoy the journey. Whatever goal or dream you have, don't be so focused on accomplishing it that you forget to have fun along the way. Take in the view. Allow happiness and enjoyment to come in. Say "yes" to things that make you feel happier and better. Fight to be in a good mood and to find reasons to laugh more often than not.
22. If you are feeling stuck, bored, or uninterested in your life, remember how much diversity there is all around you. There are so many places you've yet to know, so many things you've yet to learn, so many recipes you've still to try, so many different foods to taste, so many different people to meet, so many careers and jobs you could do, so many activities you can engage in. If you're feeling bored or uninterested, it's because you're forgetting the vast universe of possibilities that you've yet to discover.
23. There's not one right way to do anything. There are many ways to do life, there are many ways you can build a career, there a many ways you can get fit, there are many ways you can have a family, there are many ways you can have fun, there are many ways you can relax, there are many ways you can learn something new, there are many ways to make money. There are infinite possibilities in all domains of life, and you get to choose what feels right for you. You also get to change the way you do anything at any moment you want.
24. Pause and slow down often. Make space in your life to hear yourself and to connect with yourself in any manner that happens for you.
25. Meditation may not be for you, but as much as possible, try to cultivate a regular practice that allows you to hear your thoughts, to notice what you're focusing on, and to redirect your focus to a place of more peace and joy.
26. Having a gratitude practice can sound boring. But when you make it a point to notice that in the grand scheme of things, the chances of you being here in the way you are, are pretty slim. That this life is short, that everything (the "good", the "bad", the neutral) is temporary. That you get this one amazing, terrifying life to make the most out of it. That everything around you (and inside you) is always changing, evolving, and growing. That not one moment you experience will ever come back exactly in the same way, and that, at the same time, so many of the things we do in our lives feel like we repeat them over and over again. When you sit and notice that, gratitude can be incredibly easy to do and so profoundly moving.
27. Make it fun. Whatever it is that you’re doing and going through in life, make it a point to infuse it with fun, with music, with laughter, with color, with games, good food, and good vibes.
28. Plan for the fun. Schedule fun activities, dance parties, meetups with friends, and events that excite you often in your calendar just as you would with a meeting or a doctor's appointment. Make fun and "play time" a regular part of your days, and you will never lack it.
29. Humor is a healing force. Life is full of ups and downs. There will be a lot of moments when things feel hard, when you feel hopeless, full of doubt, anxious, sad, or like everything is uncertain, and things are falling apart. Learn to bring a sense of humor to everything you experience in life. Laughing about hard things, making fun of the randomness of life, smiling in the face of hardship, won't change the difficult things you're going through or make them disappear, but it will improve your ability to deal with them.
30. Everything is cringe looking backwards. Stop allowing the fear of future embarrassment or judgment to stop you from doing things you want to do right now. Be cringe if needed, but be authentic to your wants and needs.
31. Failure and rejection are just feedback, and often a very necessary stepping stone to having success in any area of your life. Start seeing each failure as a step closer to where you want to get.
32. "What is the best thing that could happen?" We often focus on all the ways things could go wrong (negativity bias working over here). Make it a point to give equal airtime to the best-case possible scenarios.
33. Perfection is an illusion. Do it messy, do it before you feel 'ready', do it scared, but do it.
34. You can do anything, but you cannot do everything at the same time. Prioritize the things that really matter the most to you at this stage of your life.
35. Start acting today like the person you want to become. You can become anything you truly believe you can be. And the best way to change your beliefs is by changing your actions, as your actions and what you tell yourself determine who you become. You can build an identity that empowers you at any moment you decide to do so.
36. And a bonus one (because "why not?"): If not now, when?

P.S.: I just started a Podcast, "Confidence is Overrated," to help you overcome self-doubt and overthinking and take more action, and I think you will love it.

Listen to the last episode on Spotify HERE or in Apple Podcasts HERE. Or watch on YouTube.​

Love creating your mind one day at a time? Forward this to a friend so they can get in on the action and sign up below. Subscribe to The Created Mind Thank you for reading and sharing, Jenny ​​​​

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